But in some cases it verges a little bit more towards disappointment, because it was the circumstances that didn’t allow it. Now, on the other hand, when people’s opportunities are thwarted, that also causes regret. But it was for the reason you’re saying: When they had more opportunities presented to themselves, there were more forgone opportunities, so they had more career regrets in that realm. Which seems weird, because, especially in this country, if you have an advanced degree, you have a lot of different opportunities. So I could look at: Do men have different regrets than women? Do older people have different regrets than younger people? One of the things that surprised me, exactly on that point, was that people with greater degrees of formal education had more career regrets than people with less education. I did this American Regret Project, a quantitative survey, where I was able to slice up the responses by demographics. Does that affect the amount of regret they feel? Do people with more opportunities have more regrets? Of course, some people have more opportunities than others. You discuss how regret is largely about opportunity, and missed opportunities. Those four core regrets are ultimately about meaning, purpose, and love. And moral regrets are partly about, In my limited time here, it’s important for me to be a decent human being, because part of what gives me a sense of meaning is that I am trustworthy, I am honest, I am a contributor. We want people who we love and who love us. And even in follow-up interviews with people who took a chance and it didn’t work out, they’re generally okay on that. When people don’t take the chance, they often regret it. You’re at a juncture in your life, you can play it safe, or you can take the chance. Boldness regrets are about meaning: I’m not going to be alive forever, when am I going to do something? If only I had taken the chance. If only I’d done the things that allow me to have some stability in my life. GQ: Do you have a definition of regret, just so we know what we’re talking about?įoundation, boldness, moral, and connection regrets. Pink hopes his book can change the cultural conversation around regret and help readers recognize how looking backward can help us move forward. “So it’s this interesting thing where this chorus of 16,000 people are saying, ‘Hey, this is what a good life is.’” But living that good life requires taking a hard look at our past mistakes-thus going against society’s “No Regrets” dictum. “When people tell you their regrets, they’re simultaneously telling you what they value,” Pink says. In an attempt to better understand this most beguiling emotion, Pink conducted a survey, polling more than 16,000 people in 105 countries about the moments in life they’d come to regret. We should embrace our regrets-and learn from them. In fact, he argues, regret is a distinguishing feature of humanity, since it involves an aptitude for narrative storytelling and mental time travel that only humans possess. It is backward-looking and unpleasant-a toxin in the bloodstream of happiness.” But it’s impossible to avoid regret, Pink says. In his new book, The Power of Regret, Pink proceeds from that national obsession with positivity: “A good life has a singular focus (forward) and an unwavering valence (positive),” he writes. Living without regret, he felt, had become a uniquely American mantra. Library of Congress with the title No Regrets. Not too long ago, Daniel Pink, the bestselling social psychology author, made an observation that seemed to speak to our national mindset: There are more than 50 books in the U.S.
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